This is a behavior change model that I sometimes use to explain how to stop doing or, start doing something differently. This will help you to beat your fear of flying by taking small, manageable steps towards flying without your fear. This model has been drawn like a burger deliberately. Intended to make it memorable. It is a simple way to describe how our thoughts, actions and feelings are all linked together. Change one area, and the others are affected too.
The burger model demonstrates an 'outside-in' approach to changing a thought or pattern of behavior you don't like about yourself. This is because you eat a burger from the 'outside-in' and get to the middle bit last. Here is an example of how that approach might work with pattern changing for fear of flying:
Desired State (middle bit) - 'I want to feel more confident flying.' If you want to feel truly confident about flying, you know a feeling takes a lot of time to change. However, how about we look at a way to 'act as if' you did feel confident. What would be going on in the head and body of a person that did feel like confident flyer? Thinking about it this way, gives you faster results by changing what you do with your head and body. I am definitely not suggesting it ever replaces doing the 'inner work' of building self confidence from within - 'talking therapies' and other inner work have proven to be extremely effective for anxiety and phobia treatment. Susan, Lovefly Founder and Psychotherapist can talk to you about that more.
Body Approach - If you were acting as if you were a confident flyer, how would you talk, walk, stand...? What sort of words would come out of your mouth and how would you say them? How would a confident flyer look as they walked onto an aircraft? What would a confident flyer look like during turbulence? Taking an 'outside-in' approach means that you now try those small changes as if you were a confident flyer. Treat it as an experiment and try a small behavioral change one bit at a time. Remember, the Burger is made up of three parts that are all connected. Changing behavior in one area will affect the other areas too - in other words, how you feel and what is happening in your head.
Head Approach - In your head are thoughts which is no surprise. However, what are you saying to yourself about your own confidence? Are you talking yourself out of situations by giving yourself a damn good mental kicking? 'I will never like flying.' A head approach (or one of them) could mean this... It is hard to change all those negative thoughts into positive ones - so don't! Here is one technique - how about you simply count them in future? As you approach a situation that you feel un-confident in it, simply count how many times you talk to yourself negatively. This is part of an acceptance approach. By noticing how often you are having these thoughts, you have now made a purely unconscious <doing it's own thing pattern> become conscious. Once it is conscious (we are aware of it) we can do something about it.
If we change our thought process, it affects our feelings and what our body will do - everything is connected. That is the 'outside-in' approach to behavioral or pattern changing explained very briefly.
Take care,
Paul @Lovefly Team
Paul Tizzard, Fear of Flying Coach
P.S. I talk about this more in my audiobook, details below.
For more fear of flying help:
- We have lots of helpful blogs you can read
- We are recording podcasts regularly on helpful topics for the nervous flyer. Search 'Lovefly' on Podbean, Spotify or wherever you listen to your podcasts
- We have and will run webinars around fear of flying areas people want to know about and more information is on our website www.lovefly.co.uk
- Audiobook written and narrated by Paul Tizzard available on Audible and most places you get your audio books from 'Helping You to Overcome Fear of Flying' (released this year)
